My dear friends and family,

Hope this letter finds you well! I have honestly just found the time to sit down, collect my thoughts and let you know just what I will be doing this winter break after what seemed to be a hectic but extremely fulfilling summer. As some of you might already be aware, I will be serving in Nepal and India this coming winter from December 21, 2010 to January 7, 2011 with my home church, Chinese Church in Christ, and as such I would love to let you in on why I have decided to go, what I will be doing there and of course, how you can support me through all of this

When I first learned of what the missions trip entailed, I was immediately intrigued as children and youth ministries would be the main foci, both of which I have enjoyed serving through my own church and in past missions trips that I have been blessed to be a part of. After seeing pictures from previous teams that have served there, I was almost certain I wanted to join, although I must confess that it was not as swift of a decision process as I had anticipated. It was certainly a struggle deciding whether to stay at home with friends and family during my Winter break or to serve abroad, although God has convicted me time and time again since then of His calling and reminded me that His will should supersede my personal desires and preferences. And given the countless blessings God has poured out upon me over the years, so His love prompts me to reach out to the children and youth in Nepal, that God may use me to love and care for them during my stay there. It is for this very reason that I have decided to be part of this year’s Nepal and India team.

Once we arrive in Nepal, the team will spend the first few days visiting various orphanages in Katmandu, Nepal’s capital. The visits will be brief; as these are not the main orphanages we will be working with, although condensed VBS programs, bible studies, skits and songs will be presented as with our other visits later on. The latter two weeks thus will be focused on two particular children’s homes: one in Parshadhap just south of the Nepal-India border in Northern India and another in Bardia in Western Nepal. I personally will be in charge of leading small group for the youth at the children’s homes along with two of my teammates, preparing different studies that will reach out to the youth who do not yet know Christ and to strengthen and encourage those who have already committed their lives to God. Of course that is not all that I will be doing, as the entire team will be helping out in all the other ministries besides the one they are leading. We are, however, in the process of planning and putting together these bible studies now, so please be praying for us that God will provide us with the proper passages and guidance as we compile the studies.

Once we arrive in Nepal, the team will spend the first few days visiting various orphanages in Katmandu, Nepal’s capital. The visits will be brief; as these are not the main orphanages we will be working with, although condensed VBS programs, bible studies, skits and songs will be presented as with our other visits later on. The latter two weeks thus will be focused on two particular children’s homes: one in Parshadhap just south of the Nepal-India border in Northern India and another in Bardia in Western Nepal. I personally will be in charge of leading small group for the youth at the children’s homes along with two of my teammates, preparing different studies that will reach out to the youth who do not yet know Christ and to strengthen and encourage those who have already committed their lives to God. Of course that is not all that I will be doing, as the entire team will be helping out in all the other ministries besides the one they are leading. We are, however, in the process of planning and putting together these bible studies now, so please be praying for us that God will provide us with the proper passages and guidance as we compile the studies.

So how exactly do you fit into this? Well, as you might be aware, this trip is going to require two very important resources, one being prayers and the other money. The trip is going to cost approximately $3150, and as much as I would like to pay for it myself, I realize how important it is for the church to be the ones supporting me, that we might all be reaching out to bless the children in Nepal and India. Having your support would also mean that I am going as a representative of all of you, and that being said it will definitely keep me more focused and be reminded of my role as I serve in Nepal and India. Of course, I definitely understand if for one reason or another it might be difficult for you to support me, so please do not take this as an obligation. Aside from financial support, however, my team and I will be in constant need of prayer both as we prepare for and when we embark on our trip. I would appreciate it so much if you could please pray for the following items:

1.     Heart Attitude. I must confess that unlike other Missions trips in the past, I am certainly not feeling as excited about this one because it is during winter break. God has certainly reminded me again and again that He should be first, but it has definitely been a struggle for me to really believe that. Please be praying for my heart and attitude towards this trip, that whatever distractions will be removed and that my sole focus is to serve Him.

2.     Wisdom and Discernment. Two of my team members and I, as mentioned earlier, will be putting together the bible studies for the youth in Nepal and India in the coming months. Pray that God will give us guidance as to the questions that should be asked and the main themes and lessons to be taken from the passages.

3.     For the Children and Youth. My heart breaks for them and I am excited to be able to share with them how God has impacted my life. Pray that they would have open hearts and minds that will be accepting of what we have to say as we minister to them and for the Spirit to develop thoughts and questions within them about Jesus.

4.     For Bob and Bobbie and the servants there. I know we are probably more in their way than helping out, but I also understand that we are often encouragement to them and to their ministry, so please pray for the workers at the orphanage (Bob and Bobbie are the missionaries we’ll be working with) that we may be there to support, encourage and assist them in any way possible. Pray that their passion for God will burn ceaselessly and that they will not feel exhausted or tired in their ministry.

Finally, here is the link if you would like to support me on this Missions trip: Click to Donate and be part of my Missions Trip! Whatever amount God has set upon your heart will be good, and a big thank you in advance on behalf of the children and youth I will have the opportunity to minister to in a few short months. I will keep you guys updated on what’s going on as the time draws near, but for now, feel free to visit http://team-nepal.blogspot.com/ to meet the rest of the team and to get some further information. Thank you again so much for all of your support and love!

P.S. If you don’t want to donate via PayPal or you’d like a receipt for future tax deductions, please email me and I will let you know where to send the funds to! Thanks!

God Bless,
Kristian

Like I said, this post is all about ironies, but here is where it takes a turn. I spent a lot of time yesterday talking with a friend about this whole idea of “going deeper”, and thanks to another friend who asked me exactly what on earth that meant, I realized I hadn’t actually defined it myself. So for now, let’s just say that “going deeper” means discussing with a friend about more than what meets the eye, beyond the normal greetings and salutations, to a degree where vulnerability is required and where if this vulnerability is rejected by the receiving party, could be disastrous for the party sharing and opening him or herself up. With that said, the realization from yesterday was that Christians, and to some degree people in general nowadays, do not generally spend time “going deeper”. And of course, this is a mere generalization (I’m sure somewhere my Sociology professor is probably flipping out about my going against her whole idea about how generalizations are inaccurate.), there are definitely countless examples to oppose this generalization, yet let’s face it, I’m sure many of you get exactly just what I’m talking about. In the non-christian realm today, there’s rarely a conversation that extends beyond the realm of music (Taylor Swift, Kanye, ABDC), gossip (who’s hot, who’s not), sex (getting laid, meeting this chick, that guy, hooking up), liquor (Jello shots, Beer Pong). I mean, who still talks about their feelings? Some do, I’m sure, but not many. Today, for example, I sat in my normal Sociology lecture, yet I couldn’t help concentrate because of what was happening in the row in front of me. A girl had her laptop with her, browsing through a site called “CollegeACB” , an anonymous forum for forty-five minutes where people post information like “Who’s a frat house slut and name them” and “Which house smokes pot the most?”. I don’t know about you, but for me that was quite the depressing sight to see. This is, sadly, what our world has become, or rather deteriorated into. Again, I know it’s merely a generalization and there are exceptions, but I think I have at least seen a good amount of this to make this assumption. And all the time I sat there, realizing how depressing it is, that all that I’ve learned from Sociology class, the influence of mass media, peer groups, suddenly rang loud and clear. It’s one thing to learn about them and then to disagree with a lot of the stuff, but realizing just how true they are? Yikes. I hate the fact that Sociology is right.

The conclusion? Sociology makes me sad, and it definitely amazes me how all you Sociology majors out there deal with all this stuff. It really just ruins my days. Props to you guys.

I used to have this crazy ridiculous theory about Revelation. That God had only (Blasphemy alert!) given John this totally out-there dream to scare the living crap out of the future generations to come (which seriously, it scares me everyday), that 144,000 was some random number that didn’t really matter in the end. I know it sounds stupid, but I always thought that there’s got to be some trick, that that can’t be all whom God will save. I no longer think or even hope that there’s any other reason other than the truth as to why Revelation was written. It doesn’t mean I’ll turn into some heartless person now, but that 144,000 never felt so real and so close until now. It really is a tragedy.

It’s been amazing the times we’ve shared. Maybe it’s childish, but I chuckle at the times we spend at the park. I remember the time we went to the park and ended up completely soaked because we ended up chasing each other around the fountains and dragging each other in and out of the water jets. Normally it would seem like the stupidest and mushiest thing to do, like some thing you would do out of a romantic comedy, but take my word, it was fun. It’s not everyday that you can run around fountains and get all soaked and laugh it off and not feel gay about it afterwards. Then there was the time when we took a day off and hit the city. Going from store to store looking for stuff, drinking at ghetto run down places with chipped muddy yellow walls and watching a marvelous show to cap off the night? What a day! And uh, if you don’t happen to be jealous by now, you really should be, ’cause it’s awesome. It’s not everyday you run around a store with someone looking for discount cards to flip open, dying to find that 25% one that’s hiding somewhere. You steal the new cards when the store attendant attends to someone else, and pick up ones that are on the ground and stuck between clothes, and scream when you find the 25% card that you’ve been looking for for the past two hours. I don’t think I’m ever going to forget that. It’s stupid, but we’ll laugh about for years to come, I just know it. And it’s not often when you can spend a whole night just talking with one another, sitting on the couch and just talking about this and that, laughing, crying, praying, hugging. And we talk about everything, even the deepest, darkest secrets and things we wouldn’t dare to tell other people for fear of how they would look at us because we understand each other. Intimacy was what we craved, and intimacy we found. This is why I’m content with where I am now. It was always hard to understand what an intimate relationship with God looked like, but with this relationship I have been blessed with a glimpse of what it would be like, and it’s only propelled me to seek after God even more. We build each other up and help grow our relationships with God. What more can I ask for? A God-centered relationship is what’s going to make this last.

My dear friends, if you really thought that I spent the past two paragraphs talking about a girl, you are sadly mistaken. The fact is that it’s not a girl I was talking about, but it only heightens my curiosity as to what a relationship with my spouse would be like. It certainly sets the bar high, but at least I know what I desire in a marriage and what God-centered intimacy should look like. It’s the bible reading that we share, the devotions, the prayers we lift up for each other. Romantic stuff aside, we should be helping each other get closer to God as we grow closer to one another. I love this brother to death, I’ll admit. We accept our faults and shortcomings and God has blessed this relationship tremendously. So much has been taught, so much learned, and so much shared. This is why I’m content. When it’s time for the right girl to come around, God will tell me. I trust Him. I think it’s better I leave this with Him. Pray about it, seek His wisdom.

But as for now, allow me to cite from the ever useful Urban Dictionary:

“A non-sexual, intimate relationship shared my two heterosexual man.” I think that lays it out quite clearly.

I thank God for placing you in my life, and I’ve come to love you as a dear brother. You are an amazing friend.

I guess I can say that I’m indeed in a relationship. A Bromance, that is. That is all.

So, dear reader, I assume you ask what has been happening with my life? Well for starters, lets talk about how God has impacted my school life. I recently switch out of my civil major here at Illinois, and boy has it been refreshing. God is truly giving me the rest I need through this long awaited change. I’m not sure how everything will turn out in the future, but I know that God will have his hand in it. Praise the Lord!

God is also working within my experiences in fellowship. In the past I haven’t really felt as if I fit in that well at my fellowship, and I never really felt comfortable there, so I haven’t gone in some time. Just recently though, I feel as if God has put it upon my heart to start going to fellowship and be there in the midst of my discomfort. I feel as if I can worship Him through my pain, and who knows, maybe I’ll even be able to bring my roommates there. Praise God!

And now the news that you’ve all been waiting for (: *Drum roll please*
So some of you may already know this but I have recently been talking with a certain friend of mine who is also a girl… and we have come upon the realization that we both have feelings for each other. Normally in this kind of a situation I would try to take it slowly and figure out what God’s will for our relationship is, but I have been praying about it and I think God is telling me that its all right for me to enter into a relationship with this person (who shall remain unnamed). I think God has shown me through the relationship of a close friend of mine that this will not be easy (If anything it will make my life more difficult) but I know that it will be a humbling experience and that I will learn a lot about God through this relationship, so we’re going to give it a shot. Glory to God.

Tonight was just a usual week night, well that isn’t exactly true. It started out with an injury, a fainting at a clinic, chicken noodle soup as medicine and a thick strawberry milkshake to digest it all. To keep it short, my roommate tripped while running back for a binder he forgot that he needed for his lab (Yes, my friends, this is why he is a James Scholar) and managed to scrape his knee pretty badly, so I had to pick him up and drive him to the clinic. At the clinic, however, he fainted, for reasons which shall remain unnamed, and as a result, the clinic graciously gave him two cans of Campbell’s soup (one Chicken Noodle and another Vegetable), two cans of Sprite and a can of gatorade to ensure that the faintings cease. I ended up watching half of Stiller and De Niro’s famous in-law comedy (Hint: Pamela Martha Focker, and if you don’t get this, please go and get a life.) before being called to help my roommate leave. And our remedy to help him raise his blood sugar level? A Steak n’ Shake original strawberry milkshake! But this is all besides the point. This is what I really want to talk about.

A while ago a “buddy” of mine asked me how much homework I have left and I told him I was on my last problem. Although to clarify, my “problem” is a routing problem in engineering that would take usually a good twenty minutes, on a good day, to dissect the problem, establish variable, set up equations, and run it all on a spreadsheet in excel. I, of course, being the good friend, advised that he sleep and need not wait for me. He, however, refused my offer and decided that he would wait for me to finish instead. Now I know, I know, this is probably all too cheesy for the masculine few who read this blog or at least, the few who claim to be “macho”, but allow me to ask you this: When was the last time a friend sacrificed his or her time for you, a deed without repayment, a gift you had not asked for? We speak all too often about our relationships with each other, but how many can claim that the relationships that they have, whether they be romantic or purely on a friendly basis, are strong and solid? I was sincerely touched by what my friend had offered here, because rarely has anyone waited for me to finish. No, he didn’t have to wait for me, he was done, he could have gone to bed if he wanted to. But he decided to stay up for me. For me. How great is that? I think for once I felt pressured to finish up as quickly as I can, rushing myself to wrap up my work so my buddy would not have to wait much longer. And let me remind you, I’m talking about the wee hours of the night, or at least what normal people consider to be wee hours. High School and College students aside. Sacrifice. What sacrifices do we make for each other? What  have we done for others that they have not asked for? How have we loved those around us? Do we ever expect or ask for reciprocation?

It’s interesting that this whole idea of sacrificing comes up on this day, November 11th, better known as Veteran’s Day. Today we honor our veterans, those who have died and sacrificed their lives for us, for the people, past and present, of this nation. Maybe we should all spend some time reflecting on those who have sacrificed some part of their lives, whether it be time, money, or something else. Though they probably do not expect repayment, what have you done lately for them? And most of all we should remember the one who sacrificed the most for us, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I think it was my buddy’s act of kindness, his sacrifice, that helped me better understand the sacrifice Jesus made. I didn’t deserve it, but it was nonetheless given to me, and like what my friend had done for me, what Jesus has done is, of course, not only a “warm fuzzy” but life-changing. If such a small act from a friend invoked a heart-warming feeling, how much more heart-warming should I feel from Jesus’ love for me? Something to think about.

Thanks Buddy, you most definitely made my day!

Pure Bliss.

It’s not everyday that I get inspired to do something. Sure there are certain times when I’m inspired, whether it was through a passage in the Bible or through a sermon, but it’s a rarity in my life. I tend to stay fairly “immovable”, and in particular I never seem to “budge” at all with testimonies. While my eyes might well up or I might let out a soft “aww” during baptism testimonies, I never consider myself inspired by the words spoken. Sure they are touching, but they don’t necessarily propel me to want to do something. This all changed a while ago when I read a note from a close friend of mine on where else? Facebook. In it he talked about his life in over the past two years, what God has done in His life up until now and of what he’s learned from God.

Unimaginable Happiness.

I was perched on a white ceramic bowl when I read this. Yes, nature called and yes, I didn’t want to stop surfing the net so I dragged my laptop with me. Don’t say “gross” because you have probably done this at some point in your life. Probably. Please don’t make me the only one. Anyways, my bowels were moving when I clicked on the link to my friend’s note and began reading it, in all honesty thinking that it would just make my time on this glorious throne go a little faster. My dear friend, if you are reading this, and you most likely will, my apologies in advance. This does not mean I don’t read the rest of your notes and posts with all sincerity and alertness. As I read the note, bits and pieces of my memory floated in, as I recalled my friend telling me all of these things over the course of the past two years. I began reading faster, eager to find out what conclusion he has made from all these occurrences, whispering a “Praise the Lord” in my heart whereever he inserted a “Praise God”. The more I read the more I bubbled inside, and within seconds I was filled with an overwhelming sensation that I had not felt so strongly in quite a while. I was excited to see how much God has led him over the past two years, seeing all the fingerprints of God as He worked his brilliance in my friend’s life. I grinned at how perfectly all of the events fit together, remembering the times when my friend had told me about the ups and downs, and how I had offered to pray for him for those tough times. I was encouraged to see all of this happening, and to have seen this all in the past two years, there was only one thing I felt at that moment. I was filled with Joy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I didn’t have joy before, but this was almost a “level up” in some strange sense, where a glimpse of the ultimate joy was revealed. There was a clear picture in my head at that point, that this was the joy we are to have everyday, a joy that makes us want to shout out the Good News from the top of our lungs. This was the joy we should have in pursuing our relationships with God, a joy that excites, longs and is irresistible to all. I was inspired. I sat there, my chin resting upon my fist like that of the “Thinker”, feeling psyched about God, about our relationship and everything else about Him. I was inspired. Alas, that glimpse was only just a glimpse, yet I feel refreshed, wanting to pursue after God and the joy that comes from this relationship with Him. I am inspired. I will be inspired. It was a testimony after all, and it was a toilet seat after all. But God is always the one who makes it all work somehow. Thanks God. This was just the solid shove that I needed.

Utter Joy.

Just thought I’d share that with you. Thanks my dear friend! (:

“Fan the flame, make me whole. Lord you know, where I’ve been. So light the fire in my heart again.”

Discipline: F
Like seriously, this is not “fake” humility or anything and it’s not an underestimate of my strengths, because I honestly have to admit that I’ve lost all control of my life. I think “moping around” is the best way to describe the way my life is going right now, without a direction or purpose. I don’t think I’ve ever really grasped the idea of discipline, since practically every time I try to discipline myself I seem to have a tendency to fail. Take homework for example, I really would deserve an A+ if there was any class in which procrastination was an art form. I’m probably a scholar or a professor at the subject at the least if not at an even greater prestige. So the last month I decided to make myself follow a schedule so I wouldn’t have all my homework crammed up on two nights of the week, and guess how that turned out? I think I last for a grand total of two days before I messed up my schedule. Pretty pathetic huh? I think it’s humbled me so much more learning how much of a failure I am and knowing that God can still look at me and call me His child. I mean there are times when I would look up at the ceiling (pretending I’m looking at God) and be like… God, why? And beyond homework there’s other areas I fail at disciplining myself at as well, the one on the top of my head right now is reading my Bible. Apparently procrastination happens there too, as I can almost come up with a different excuse every time to tell myself for why I’m not reading my Bible today, and constantly I find myself playing catch up where I’m putting three four days worth of reading altogether in a day, but then that really doesn’t fit the description of a consistent schedule now does it. All in all, one word: FAIL.

Compassion/Patience/Love: F
This I actually used to be much better at, but I think my roommate’s really stretched it out and snapped it a couple of times even this year. I had an epiphany the other day watching one of my cheesy Chinese soaps when one of the scenes occurred. So for the sake of confusion I’m going to call them Guy A, Guy B, Girl A and Girl B. Creative huh? Basically the story built up that Guy A liked Girl A and Girl A liked Guy B and Guy B liked Girl A and Girl B liked Guy B. And if you got all of that, wow, major props to you! So Guy A was apparently angry that the girl he liked (Girl A) liked his enemy, Guy B, so in his fury he’s at the verge of shooting her. Guy B, seeing that his love (Girl A) is in danger, runs up and tells Guy A not to shoot and blocks Girl A from the gun. Guy A cocks his gun and is about to fire the bullet and Guy B thinks he’s about to die, and right at the last moment Girl B, who’s been secretly crushing on Guy B, decides to run up and with her back facing the gun, she blocks the shot and ultimately died. Now ignore the fact that this was a complex love quadrangle (?) and just focus on what Girl B did. To be honest, my first reaction was not “WOW! How romantic!” but rather “WOW! How STUPID!”, the first sign of a lack of compassion. But then God hit me over the head instantly, and I remembered of what Jesus did for us. He died on the cross for us. I thought about it and realized that it was probably just as equally stupid of a thing for Jesus to do, to die for us, people who didn’t even care whether He loved us or not. And this sacrificial love, this love that extends to even the biggest enemies, is something I have come to understand that I definitely lack. I think I’ve been quite a jerk lately, making fun of my roommate behind his back, gossiping about him to perhaps everyone back home and telling them how horrible of a roommate he is. Horrible isn’t it? I’m sure God isn’t too thrilled with that. So what’s the conclusion? FAIL.

Church: F
If there was a class for church that was graded on how much you were participating in church and amongst your community of believers, then I’m sure the grade there is in no sense a joke. While it’s true that I’ve been fairly consistent about going to church, I realized that my lack of participation in fellowship activities has really taken a toll on me without my noticing. The other day my small group leader tried to drag me down to go to a prayer meeting with him, and by drag I literally mean that he was attempting to pull me out of bed. And of all things, I actually refused and stubbornly stuck with that. Now that I think about it, even I myself was a little shocked at what I did that afternoon. Since when have I ever been so against going to prayer meetings and fellowship gatherings? Since Never! The change was almost shocking, but it also made sense. The lack of participation has led me to fall away, and it’s like one of my friend’s notorious coal stories, where the pastor showed that fellowship is a necessity to help keep us burning for God. And I think God has given me an opportunity in becoming more involved, as I received a leadership application the other day that I’m not considering for the next school year. Amazing how God still blesses us at times when we really deserve more of a slap in the face than a gift right? But nonetheless, the past couple of weeks could be summed up by the grade given: FAIL.

There’s probably a lot more things I’ve failed in as well, but these were just the ones that came up and seemed like the more important ones as I’m typing. I think there’s really two ideas that’s pushing me through right now and getting me more encouraged: 1. That God’s showed me so much love that I’ve got to show others that love as well, and this has always been a huge goal of mine as I’ve always wanted to one day use my Civil Engineering/Architecture skills by helping build up and modernize some of the more backwards countries in our world. 2. This one’s kind of lame, but it’s the footprints story. Life is like a journey across the sand, and as you walk, there’s always two sets of footprints, because Jesus was there the entire time, holding your hand and keeping you company and helping you with your journey. Yet there were darker times where there were rocks and shells that made the path difficult, and at those times there were only one set of footprints present. You look up to Jesus and ask: Where were you during all those times that were so difficult and hard to continue to walk? Jesus would look at you and smile and remind you: My child, during those times I was carrying you. Hopefully that last bit you found encouraging, it always seems to serve as a good reminder for me!

The alarm I set on my phone rang at 4:45am, and without hesitation my fingers reached swiftly for the designated “snooze” button and I went back to sleep. Normally I would have gotten up excitedly in anticipation of flying, yet that particular Monday morning I felt none of that joy, but rather a bitterness as my head plunged once again into the pillow. My dad walked in a moment later, patting me on my shoulder and reminded me that I needed to wake up. After much grumbling, I got up and changed into my clothes and got ready for my flight, checking to make sure I had all the documents I needed.

Before leaving for the airport, my mom woke up my brother so we could say goodbye as he reminded my mom to the previous night. I walked into his room and he leaped up from his bed, jumping into me as I wrapped my arms around him. We remained like that for a while, lingering as I realized how much I missed having the little boy who jumped in my bed every Saturday morning to wake me up and chased around the house with. It was a moment I found hard to forget, the rush of emotions and the intensity captured in that short time. I remembered closing my eyes, trying hard to cherish this moment and engrave it deep in my mind. It was then that my brother began to tear up and soon soft sniffles were heard as I felt the little boy shake and his head move along my shoulder. Patting his back I reminded him that I would be back in two months, and kept on brushing his hair with my hand as I tried to comfort and reassure him. Moments like these never quite last as long as you desire, and soon time ran to an end as I had to leave for the airport to catch my flight. I said a final goodbye to my brother, told him about the letter I had left for him on his desk, and watched him as my mom tucked him back under the comforter, refusing to have him out of my sight until I saw his eyes close.  I walked out to the kitchen and my mom followed, and before opening the door to the garage I turned around and gave her a hug, muttering a soft “bye” as I reached for the door. Being my mom of course she told me to take care of myself and to be good, things I’ve heard all my life but never really taking the weight that came with them. Walking into the garage, I put on my shoes as my mom looked from the doorstep, my dad starting the car and getting ready to leave. I finished tying my shoelaces and turned toward the car for just a split second before I went back to my mom and hugged her one more time. My mom doesn’t cry much ever, but her eyes welled up as she said goodbye again that second time, and seeing her like that made my eyes watery as well. We parted after some more words from my mom and I waved to her as my dad backed the car out of the garage.

I cried all the way on the freeway to the airport.

My dad parked the car and helped me with my luggage, waiting for me until I had all my bags checked and a boarding pass in hand. Realizing that parking at airports are fairly expensive, I told him I would go through security earlier to avoid the hefty parking fees. I told him I could take care of myself but he stayed with me and waited in the queue with me. I told him he should go back home and get some rest but again he refused, staying with me until the very last moment when he had to step out of the line. Before that though he gave me a quick hug, telling me to not worry about anything and for me to take care of myself and let him know if there’s anything I need. I unloaded my belongings onto the security machine’s conveyor belt and proceeded through the metal detector, and while picking up my belongings I glanced up and back at the queue. My dad was still there.

Friends have always been a huge part of my life, even to a point where there were times in my life when I thought they were more important than my family. To some degree some of these friends I have do feel like family to me, but the bond I share with my dad, my mom and my brother; those bonds are irreplaceable. It had not occurred to me how much my family meant to me until I left for college, and maybe this was part of God’s will, that through this experience I would learn the His desire for how families should be. I sat there and fixed my eyes on the mother as she played with her son, smiling as I thought of my family, the family I so dearly miss, while waiting at the airport.

-Thoughtful Rambler

I used to question my parent’s motives behind coercing me to practice piano, screaming bloody murder next to the piano as tear drops rolled down my cheek and on to the black and white keys whilst I played, hands shaking. But those incidences were rarities and of few occasions, and now as I reflect upon it, I must admit I am glad my parents decided not to allow me to quit at those critical times. After finishing the advanced level examinations for piano God provided me an immediate answer to my question by providing me the opportunity to serve Him through playing keyboard for worship at my church. I still believe I lack the talent or am at all competent, but nonetheless I offered what I had to God and knew that it pleased Him. Although I was using my talents then, I had always thought of what would happen when I depart for college? In what ways will God use this talent of mine then? Of all the times that God provided me with answers to my questions, I found a part of the answer to this question at about one o’ clock this morning.

My friend from my Physics discussion group came over to work on our homework due the day after. Taking breaks now and then, he showed me a recording he had recently done of a song he had written on one such occasion, and I must say I was mighty impressed by it as my lyrical skills are, as proud as I can be, nonexistent. We got to talking as we went through the Physics problems, making small talk in between as I managed to learn that he was also a piano player like myself. As we continued to talk more and more about music, he asked if I might be able to help him, and I reluctantly agreed, wondering how a fairly untalented (I’m not being modest, this is actually quite true.) person such as myself would be of any service. We went downstairs after completing our Physics homework and sat in front of the piano in the lounge. While there, he showed me the chord progressions and the basic melodies for his songs as I sat there, trying my best to absorb everything in such a short time span. Like I said, I never believed I was any good at improvisation, so I merely played a bit of what I came up with right on the spot, and to my surprise, my friend really liked it! He continued to teach me the rest of what he had come up with and we eagerly set ourselves to work, playing repetitively as we attempted to refine the melody.

As I sat there, two thoughts raced in my mind:

1) I finally figured that I was indeed jealous of my friends back at home a few years ago when they formed a band, remembering how I used to comfort myself by saying: Don’t worry, they’ll notice how good you are and ask you to play for them some time! (For those of you who are reading this who might know what I’m talking about, please don’t worry, this is not how I think anymore and I do not blame you for anything.) And obviously with that attitude, what would God’s answer be? HECK NO. I remember sulking over this for a while, glowing with envy as I pondered about when I would be invited to play for their band. Jealousy, my friends, leads NOWHERE. God chose to send me tumbling when He realized that the root of my desire was steeped in jealousy, and looking back, I must say I absolutely agree with what ultimately occurred.

2) God has shown me exactly how my talent will serve Him here in college. He’s using it to deepen my relationships with friends He’s surrounded me with, and it is truly my prayer that God will be able to use me to use my talent in its full potential. May His will be done and may He be glorified through all this, amen?

-Thoughtful Rambler

Nothing’s worse than watching your favorite team loose because of a stupid mistake by one bad player. You push yourself up off your seat, stand there astonished as you watch the “tragedy” play out, wondering why anyone would be dumb enough to make a bone-headed mistake like that. You slump back in your chair, disheartened and upset at what just occurred. Sports fans, sound familiar does it not?

A lot of times, I feel that being a Christian feels that exact same way. Here and there people claim to be Christians, yet on a closer examination I discover that they are far from who they claim to be. Often I watch situations play out, and like most sports fans, I cheer for the my Christian brethren in the situation, but there are times when all I really see in the very end is utter disappointment as the Christian in the scenario acts far differently from what was expected of them. Like the sports fans, I’m tempted to stand up from where I’m sitting and shout, asking them what they thought they were doing. And, most unfortunately, something of the sort took place the past Friday.

It was a Friday afternoon, and my friend and I were on the bus to the grocery store. Like us, many of our fellow peers were also on board, heading to the shops and stores off campus to do some restocking and shopping for their daily necessities. My friend and I sat towards the back of the bus and talked for a bit, then stopped as my friend began to doze off and as I was furiously flipping through the pages of the new novel I had recently acquired. It was then that something caught my attention. There was a couple sitting behind us, the guy chatting away on the phone and the girl listening intently, hugging him and giggling as the guy conversed with his friend on the phone. The conversation was nothing of interest, but I distinctly remember the end of the phone call, when the guy abruptly exaplained to his friend on the phone that he had to “go because [he] was in the middle of something important”, which, as anyone could guess, was a blatant lie as he was, well, on the bus. But the story worsens. The guy then turned to his girlfriend, grinned and explained arrogantly that he did that to his friends whenever he didn’t want to talk to them anymore, chuckling at his own statement afterwards. They chatted a bit more before they reaching their stop, but by then I had long returned to my book already. Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re wondering what this has to do with the story right?

My friend and I managed, in retrospect to my dismay, to bump into the couple yet again on our way back. What are the chances right? Similar to the previous encounter, the guy was again talking loudly on his phone, only this time he revealed something that just made my heart sink. In his conversation he mentioned that he had found a church suitable for him, and as I realized, he was referring (possibly, there are a few churches around my church and my geography is, well, not the best) to the church that I attend. Sitting next to my friend, I felt embarrassed almost in realizing that the guy was a fellow brother in Christ. And with my friend being non-Christian, it only made the situation that much worse. In my head I was passing immediate judgment on the guy, thinking that it was people like him that made distorted the world’s view on Christians. And although I probably should not have judged the guy; in all honesty, the guy’s attitude did not reflect what he seemed to believe in.

I know that I have, most certainly, been that guy before and most likely still play his role every now and then, there is something worth noting. His Actions. His Attitude. The guy’s attitude throughout was obnoxious and arrogant, shown through him cutting his friend off with a lie and laughing it off earlier. As a Christian, shouldn’t we strive to better our image? To show that we are indeed, different from this world? I’m not saying that Christians are infallible, but to be honest and, pardon the judgment, the guy really did not seem to care much for his Christian values at that point. As Christians we have to constantly remind ourselves that we are to be examples, and as examples we should be more cautious in our words and our actions. Would you not agree?

Indeed it felt as if though I had been transformed into watching an intense football game. The scores are close and the clock ticking. The team I cheer for is in possession and moving swiftly down the field. The ball is snapped. My heart stops as I watch in abject horror. The quarterback’s poor judgment has led to an interception of the pass and the loss of the ball. I spring up from my plush seat on the bus and yell “What was that?” Yet this was not reality, and to avoid any uncomfortable circumstances, I chose to sit there quietly and observe, disappointed at what I saw.

-Thoughtful Rambler